I need to learn how to not think

So I managed to give my laptop a virus. I’m cool like that. And it wasn’t from watching porn or doing anything untoward at all. I was trying to (re)watch How I Met Your Mother. Although I suppose streaming tv shows on the internet is technically illegal and so I was doing something untoward. Am I using the word ‘untoward’ correctly? *consults dictionary* No I am not. I am shocked to discover that it actually means ‘unexpected and inappropriate or inconvenient’ and I was using it merely to mean inappropriate. You live you learn.

ANYWAY it was silly o’clock in the morning and I was half asleep and some crappy streaming site TRICKED ME with a rather convincing looking McAfee warning telling me to download some stuff and install it and I got all confused and did but then it wanted my credit card details and I was like fuck off but then I couldn’t uninstall it and it blocked me from getting on the internet. But I took my laptop into the university and they very nicely fixed it for me.

But, more importantly, I need to learn how to not think. I think too much and it’s doing my head in as my thoughts are generally negative and will not shut up. I’ve missed far too many of my initial lectures due to stupid freshers’ flu and my mind hating me. Neither the self hatred nor the freshers’ flu were really strong enough on their own to warrant missing lectures but they set up an alliance against me and waged war against any desire I may have had for movement or education or bettering myself. And both are still bloody here!

So now I’m alternating between coughing up green phlegm and berating myself for being a naughty boy and not going to lectures and oh you’re going to get behind on work all over again AND IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO MAKE FRIENDS NOW BECAUSE THE LIMINAL PHASE IS OVER AND EVERYONE IS ALREADY IN THEIR CLIQUES AND NOBODY LIKES YOUUUU. Which is bullshit and I can logically tell myself it’s bullshit but that doesn’t stop me thinking it even though it’s wrong which is why I need to learn how not to think and just go and bloody socialise because actually I am an incredibly social creature, I just suck at the whole getting to know people phase.

But anyway I have doctor’s tomorrow and then lectures that I will go to and I will sort my life out already.

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One Response to I need to learn how to not think

  1. Justy says:

    Map up Tuffsten! You pussy. X

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