I hate you. Well probably not hate because to me hate is something all-consuming and exhausting. Perhaps instead I am just very much annoyed by you. Tumblr, you are like a rash. Irritating and everywhere. Apparently you’re an infectious rash too.
Why are you so irritating? Well, you have no substance. You are not creative. You rarely make anything up yourself. Instead, like a good-looking but intellectually stunted teenager you repeat, or should I say reblog, the thoughts, opinions and creations of other people.
Tumblr, you are incapable of expressing yourself. Why? Are you too self-conscious? Too stupid? Too lazy? You give blogs a bad name. Tumblr, you are not a blog! You are the mentally handicapped child of the incestuous relationship between a blog and a social networking site. You are a persistent and annoying child going LOOK AT THIS PICTURE LOOK AT THIS VIDEO over and over again. No I don’t want to look at the picture or the video. Why? Because, Tumblr, they are both shit.
Maybe I am being unnecessarily harsh towards you Tumblr. After all, the internet is full of people showing each other pictures and videos and not being all that interesting or original. Why do I have such a big beef with you Tumblr? And Tumblr, yes, I’ll admit it’s not all your fault. Facebook holds 3% of the blame.
Tumblr, I hate you because you have infected Facebook. Why couldn’t you have just sat and stayed as your own website? I would never have heard of you. I would have been happy. Why couldn’t you leave Facebook alone? You have no right to be there. Twitter has a right to be there. I may not understand Twitter but at least someone’s status update via Twitter is likely to be more interesting than A PICTURE OF A FUCKING FLOWER THAT YOU DIDN’T EVEN TAKE YOURSELF! True I could hide all posts from you on Facebook, but then I may miss the 1% of posts you make that are actually interesting.
Tumblr, no… Just… no… Stop it.
Yours, Mark-Anthony Tuffen
PS. WHAT THE FUCK DOES TUMBLR EVEN MEAN?!
I am sure that most of us have reached this point, whilst being on the internet after a night out, that they have thought the above blog title. If you haven’t, either you’ve never come online drunk, you never get drunk, or you have incredible self restraint when you are drunk so that you do not feel the need to express it to people you barely know.
Anyways, I am clearly at the express it to everyone stage, but unfortunately I am also at the ‘drunk but doesn’t really have anything interesting to say well does have something interesting to say but cannot formulate it in a fashion worthy of their usual awesome literary skillz’ stage. I have lots of awesome ideas in my head, that over the past few weeks I have come close to writing. Unfortunately proper work or drunken nights have gotten in the way of my scribing them. But hey, bear with me, I can be very interesting.
…by cleverly disguising the first thing on my to do list as a blog post! That way it’s not real work.
As I said before I got my laptop back today after not having it for like five days. I’d previously been putting off all the things I had to do by saying ‘oh, I’ll do it when I have my laptop back, it will be so much easier to work from the comfort of my room.’ Reality is it is so much easier to read websites and other people’s blogs and talk on facebook so much in one night that you have 89 new text notifications from them on your phone and that was only after you gave up on deleting the first twenty odd from the comfort of my room. But lots of things I kept finding amusing and witty kept happening and so I was practically forced to stay on facebook. In fact I’m going to write some here, not because you care, but because one of the best things about keeping a blog is in three years time when I am next procrastinating I can read through my old posts and find all these things witty and amusing all over again. Actually fuck that I can’t be bothered to do that. Maybe another day.
But the first thing I have to do is write a to do list which is hard to do when you don’t have a to do list telling you to make a to do list. I have a lot of shit I need to do. I bought a whiteboard and everything before uni to help me with my lack of organisation/memory but my lack of organisation/memory has caused me to misplace my only whiteboard pen. So now the whiteboard is hanging there glaring at me with four things written on it that are now two weeks out of date. Two of those things I didn’t even do. Sigh. I realise that it being a whiteboard I could just wipe them off so my failure would stop staring at me but I’m masochistic like that. And besides, a blank one would perhaps be even more of a glaring reminder of my ineptitude.
SHINY TO DO LIST OF STUFF TO DO
- Find out the buildings you have your GEO152 practical and library skills workshops in. THEY ARE HAPPENING TOMORROW SO DO IT NOW.
- WRITE EMILY HER LETTER BACK! You are a terrible friend, it has been MONTHS now. Do it. This is more important than your degree. Include drawings of dragons and maybe a comic about that time we both finished each others sentences and found it hilarious but no one else will.
- Do the reading and prep-work for GEO163. You are an intelligent person, this will take all of half an hour-an hour if you could stop reading blogs about cats. You don’t even like cats very much.
- PRINT OFF THE STUFF YOU NEED TO READ FOR GEO163! Read it. Do the set stuff. It’s due FRIDAY!
- Do your washing up. At least the stuff you left in the kitchen tonight. Tidy kitchen in general possibly tomorrow.
- Tidy room so you aren’t embarrassed by it thus can leave your door open thus can socialise better thus also have a better space for doing work (not due to the socialising… due to the clean desk…)
- GO TO SEE THE FINANCIAL ADVISOR AS YOU STILL DON’T HAVE A BLOODY CLUE WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR STUDENT LOAN!
- Remember you have the doctor’s at 10.30. GET UP AND GO ELSE YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING SICK AGAIN.
- Get a new uCard.
- Hand in your yellow sheet so you can bloody get properly registered.
- Sort out a short term loan because YOU ONLY HAVE £18.90 LEFT TO YOUR NAME. And your prescription tomorrow will take away another £7.20 of that. And you need another new prescription soon.
- Stop being a self conscious twat and start fucking talking to people.
- Email your personal tutor about current issues. Remember everything you want to implement concerning current issues so that people know you are actually trying this time.
- You have an appointment sometime in November that clashes with a lecture. Phone up and change it NOW. It had a long waiting list.
- Sit and have a mini print fest. Print off lecture notes of missed lectures and upcoming ones in advance for the week ready for you to take notes. Print off reading lists.
- Make your star chart. It will be worth the effort making it as a gold star will so fucking make you go to lectures.
- Phone magistrates court to arrange official name change asap.
- Decide whether or not you actually want to make ‘Cesario’ your middle name.
- Get a new whiteboard pen, implement fancy to do list. Possibly with different colours. Possibly with different stickers! Oooo you could make like just a big page for stickers and if I do something EPIC like an actual assignment I get a really really awesome sticker, like a really big dinosaur one! And if I do something smaller like some reading for a lecture I can get a smaller sticker like a smiley face! And then I can have this epic collage of stickers to SHOW HOW WELL I AM DOING AT BEING AN ADULT! Mmmm I am sure that is some form of literary device there like irony or juxtaposition or maybe just a big old contradiction but YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS OF MY STICKER GAINING POTENTIAL.
- Wonder if it’s worrying that I keep switching from first to second person throughout this post.
- Stop wandering off on tangents so much because now you can’t actually remember what else you had to put on your to do list. Well done. Twat.
- Don’t insult yourself so much. You are awesome and don’t need that additional stress right now.
- Stop adding stuff for the sake of it in an attempt to procrastinate actually having to do the first few things on the list and just go do it. You can always come back and edit this later when you remember stuff.
- Remember you have an appointment with some of the accommodation people friday morning.
So I managed to give my laptop a virus. I’m cool like that. And it wasn’t from watching porn or doing anything untoward at all. I was trying to (re)watch How I Met Your Mother. Although I suppose streaming tv shows on the internet is technically illegal and so I was doing something untoward. Am I using the word ‘untoward’ correctly? *consults dictionary* No I am not. I am shocked to discover that it actually means ‘unexpected and inappropriate or inconvenient’ and I was using it merely to mean inappropriate. You live you learn.
ANYWAY it was silly o’clock in the morning and I was half asleep and some crappy streaming site TRICKED ME with a rather convincing looking McAfee warning telling me to download some stuff and install it and I got all confused and did but then it wanted my credit card details and I was like fuck off but then I couldn’t uninstall it and it blocked me from getting on the internet. But I took my laptop into the university and they very nicely fixed it for me.
But, more importantly, I need to learn how to not think. I think too much and it’s doing my head in as my thoughts are generally negative and will not shut up. I’ve missed far too many of my initial lectures due to stupid freshers’ flu and my mind hating me. Neither the self hatred nor the freshers’ flu were really strong enough on their own to warrant missing lectures but they set up an alliance against me and waged war against any desire I may have had for movement or education or bettering myself. And both are still bloody here!
So now I’m alternating between coughing up green phlegm and berating myself for being a naughty boy and not going to lectures and oh you’re going to get behind on work all over again AND IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO MAKE FRIENDS NOW BECAUSE THE LIMINAL PHASE IS OVER AND EVERYONE IS ALREADY IN THEIR CLIQUES AND NOBODY LIKES YOUUUU. Which is bullshit and I can logically tell myself it’s bullshit but that doesn’t stop me thinking it even though it’s wrong which is why I need to learn how not to think and just go and bloody socialise because actually I am an incredibly social creature, I just suck at the whole getting to know people phase.
But anyway I have doctor’s tomorrow and then lectures that I will go to and I will sort my life out already.
Arrogant in the sense that I feel what I have to say is either important enough or witty enough for those I know to be arsed to read it. So I’ve given myself a suitably arrogant blog name and, regardless of whether or not you are sitting comfortably, I shall begin.
Although to be honest, that’s about all is necessary for an initial post. I’ve recently started uni at the University of Sheffield again, moved in a week ago, things are going good, the end.
Will update more when I have something slightly more interesting to say.
PS what the hell is up with the default layout, why would I want a a picture of some leaves…? Will sort that out when I can be bothered…